Tuesday, October 18, 2011

When life throws you lemons...sometimes you just get sour

Let's face it, we all have character flaws.  They are those little parts of us which we are not proud of, and which we would much rather have go away.  However, we have found that no amount of wishing them away or trying to battle them has completely overcome them.  They just seem to be a part of who we are.

Once again, in this talk about character, I'm using character as a neutral kind of thing.  Character is what we are known for.  One person is known to avoid conflict, while another almost seems to take a perverse joy in seeking it out.  While we might look at one as better than the other, the reality is that our response becomes part of our character.  And there are times where we really wish our character could be different.

Let's take my illustration from the previous paragraph.  Let's say that I am a person who avoids conflict.  This could be for a number of reasons.  It may be that I grew up in a family that made it a habit to avoid talking about difficult issues, or the theme of my family may have been "don't rock the boat."  While these may have shaped my character to avoid conflict, it's very likely that there would be times in my life where I would really wish that I had the courage to stand up for something, or to address someone in something that I know is wrong. 

Now, in this situation, I could recognize that my character is to avoid conflict.  However, wanting things to be different is likely not going to suddenly make things different.  It would take major work and effort to bring about that kind of character change, and very likely, that initial character will always be present, no matter how much I may learn how to deal with conflict, or to see the need for it, or even develop tools to be better equipped for it.  In all likelihood, my initial response will probably always be a bit of a recoil.

A vital part of our character development happens when we encounter negative experiences in life.  We may become bitter, or fearful, or we may try to overcompensate by going in the opposite direction.  And when we look back on it later in life, we may wish that we had developed different characteristics at a younger age. 

So what do you do when you come to a point of wanting to change your character?  Tune in tomorrow for a few thoughts on that!

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