When Relational Doesn't Work

I've been reading a very interesting book on youth ministry over the past week.  I've only gotten through three chapters so far, but that's somewhat expected, as it's a bit heavier of a book, and my time has been somewhat limited for "extra" reading.  It's entitled, "Eutychus Youth", talking about an applied theology for youth ministry.

One of the things I read last night has struck a chord within me.  The author, a man that I have a great deal of respect for, takes a bold stance in a current "trendy" direction in lots of churches and youth ministry programs.  Much has been made of having "relational" ministries.  This means that churches don't rely upon programs as the means of drawing people to Christ, but utilize relationships on the part of God's people to influence and connect with people.

So this author makes an assertion that I hadn't fully thought about before.  He says that relational ministry has been misused in some ways.  Relationships are good in and of themselves.  However, in some ministries, the relationships have been contrived, seen merely as a means to an end, that of connecting people to Jesus or getting them to be part of the ministry or the church.

Here's where this is problematic.  If we strike up a relationship with a person without intending to maintain that relationship, but instead we have ulterior motives for instigating that relationship in the first place, we have done nothing more than a very clever "bait and switch" on the person.  And yes, people will recognize when we seek to create a relationship with them, only to reveal our ulterior motives later.  And if we do that in the name of Christ Jesus, we not only hurt the person we strike up the relationship with, we also bring damage to the name of Jesus.

What's the solution?  Well, it's both very simple and very complex.  We initiate relationships, not with the intent that we will bring them into our congregation or our youth ministry, but because we desire a relationship with that person.  Yes, it is fully appropriate to interject Jesus into the relationship, but the relationship should never hinge upon that person's acceptance or denial of what Jesus has done.  If we only build relationships in order to bring people to Christ, we show that we value converts more than friendships or relationships, and in the long run, that's going to hurt our efforts to share the good news. 

Being relational is a great thing.  However, when we initiate relationships with ulterior motives, it will inevitably come back to haunt us.  So may we seek out relationships, not merely to draw people to Jesus, but to also truly relate to those individuals with whom we strike up relationships.

Life Together

A man by the name of Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote a book entitled "Life Together."  It's a book that I have read numerous times in my life and ministry, and one that I continually find myself returning to.  It speaks to much about our life together as Christians, and what it means to be a part of a Christian congregation. 

This has a renewed interest to me at this time as I enter into my second six-month period at a new congregation.  In many respects, during the first six months, you simply start to get to know people.  Now that I have been here for a while, I've started to notice a change in some of the things people talk to me about.  Instead of, "We're really glad you're here," it's slowly become, "Here's what needs to be addressed in our congregation."  That's a pretty sure sign to me that our life together is something that needs to be discussed.

I don't mean this in a bad way, at all.  One of the facts of our lives is that we live our lives together as sinful Christians.  We're sinful.  We'll not always think the best of others.  We'll not always say the best things about others.  We'll focus on our needs rather than the needs of others.  And we'll always need God's Law to remind us of that sinfulness, and God's Gospel to remind us that Jesus has fully and completely forgiven us.

Just as surely as God has made a new creation within us in our baptism, we also need reminding that the new creation wants to grow in our life together as Christians.  We are Christians, which means we live forgiven lives with each other.  We strive to communicate matters of importance with one another.  We aim to forgive, and to ask for forgiveness, as it is called for in our walk together.  We recognize that there are times when we need to put our service to our fellow Christians ahead of our own preferences or likes.  That's the Christ-like part of our life together.

For the month of August, I'm going to be addressing a number of areas of our life together that we would do well to heed and listen to.  My hope and prayer is that we see where we fall short, ask for forgiveness, and then seek to grow in our lives with each other.  May we do this for the glory of God and His Son, our Lord Jesus.

Blurred Lines

While the Bible doesn't really come out and use the word "accountability", the idea of it is found throughout.  From the very first murder in human history, recorded in Genesis 4, we have that idea there.  Cain murders his brother, Abel, and when God confronts Cain about it, he asks the significant question, "Am I my brother's keeper?"  While God doesn't directly answer that question, it seems pretty clear that the answer is, yes.

So we are called to be accountable in our care for one another.  However, being the sinful human beings that we are, we can also easily overstep that line.  You have likely heard the term "micromanaging" before.  It's the idea of someone who has some level of accountability, but doesn't really trust the person who is doing the work "under" them.  Therefore, they basically step in and dictate each part of the process, and in some ways, demonstrate a lack of trust in those who are tasked with the job.

At this point, it seems like I should also mention that we Americans tend to shy away from this word "accountability."  We throw around words like freedom, but have allowed them to mean something other than what they should be.  We say freedom, but we really mean "I don't want anyone telling me how to do anything."  In other words, we don't want to be accountable to others.  They mind their business, and I mind mine, and we're all happy.  That's the basic idea, at least.

The thing is, that is not how God designed us when He created us.  Part of being in a community means that we sometimes lay aside what we want, or even what is best for us, for the good of others.  That's evident in what Jesus has done for us, and as the new life that Jesus won for us takes root and grows in us, we also work for the good of others, even if we might prefer otherwise, or if it's to our cost.

St. Paul writes it very bluntly in his letter to the Philippians.  In Philippians 2:3-4, he calls for those Christians to count others more significant than they are.  They are called to look to the interests of others, not necessarily at the expense of their own, but at least on equal footing with their own.  And yes, sometimes looking to the good of others does actually cost us, or cause us to lay aside what we would prefer for the good of others.

It's easy to blur these lines.  One of my ongoing battles is maintaining accountability without become too invasive.  It's a constant battle in our lives as Christians.

Distrust

As we live out our lives, one of the things that I have come to believe is foundational to a healthy life is having those people we can trust in life.  Many of us spend a lot of time searching for those people that we can truly "be ourselves" around.  We want to know that they are safe people, that we can open up to them, and that they won't betray that trust.

Yet, we find ourselves living more and more in a skeptical, jaded world.  In a day and age where everyone has the opportunity for a knee-jerk reaction on Facebook or Twitter or on their blogs, it seems that trust isn't seen as highly as it once was.  We see how untrustworthy so many are around us, and we cannot help but feel the lack of trust that exists around us.  And for many of us, this becomes a personal problem.

What do you do when you don't have someone with whom you can truly trust your life?  You want to have someone with whom you can be open and honest, but it's really hard to develop that kind of relationship with someone.  Spouses continually are breaking trust, as is evidenced in the divorce rate.  Friendships fall apart as gossip enters in, and trust is broken.  And even in churches, relationships that are founded in Christ Jesus are torn apart as confidences are betrayed, and as God's people fail to develop trust among one another.

Satan loves distrust.  He loves to isolate us with the thought that no one else can understand or be trusted with our precious thoughts and lives.  And sadly, he finds an all-too-willing ally in our sinful nature.  There is that part of us that wants to use the juicy thoughts or confidences of others as a way to exalt ourselves, or to draw more attention to ourselves.  And the more we indulge that sin, the greater the distrust that builds up, and the more difficult the task for the Holy Spirit to bring about Christ's reconciliation.

I don't have any easy answers for distrust.  But I do have one thing that I know for sure.  Jesus is not bound by our distrust, nor does He find Himself restricted only to those who truly trust.  Jesus is beyond our trust or distrust, and can work even in the lack of trust or the presence of distrust.  That's because Jesus Himself fully knows who we are, and has overcome both Satan and our sinful nature through His life, death, and resurrection. 

That is why we strive to build up trust, and to fight against the things that cause distrust.  And then, when reason for distrust enters in, we strive for reconciliation, as Christ has reconciled us to God through His death and resurrection.  We strive for confession of sin, and for forgiveness of sin to be granted.  When relationships have been torn, we strive to repair those relationships in God-pleasing ways.  And in all of these things, we give thanks to God for His gracious gift of forgiveness.

A Thought on Marriage

It has been a busy summer.  I've already had three trips varying between 5 and 12 days long.  Two of these came back to back, where I had only about 36 hours at home between the two.  Needless to say, it's been a challenge to keep things flowing on here.  I keep thinking that things will slow down soon, but I'm also always prepared for the unexpected to pop up at any time.

This past week, I was gone again.  This time, the trip revolved around a wedding.  My wife's brother got married, and as I watched the wedding ceremony, I had a few thoughts that I thought would be worth putting into words.

First of all, from all outward appearances, marriage seems to be a very tenuous thing.  Sure, the ceremony is nice, but I think we humans really like it when we can "see" something happen.  Yes, we watch the man and the woman exchange vows and rings.  We see them make their promises, and we see the witnesses standing with them.  But it isn't like we suddenly see some kind of connection light up between the two.  And that's why I say that marriage seems like a somewhat vague, tenuous thing.

We see that in our society more and more as people disregard marriage, or as they make a mockery of marriage.  It sure doesn't seem to be binding, and we've misused the vows so much that the phrase "til death do us part" doesn't really seem to carry any meaning anymore.  And some of this simply must come about because we don't "see" the connection that God creates in the marriage ceremony and vows. 

I found myself wondering what the spiritual reality "looks" like when a man and a woman are joined in marriage.  Sure, we don't "see" it here, at least not in a physical manner.  But what does it look like from God's eyes when a man and a woman are joined in marriage?  I would dare say that, when we "see" that reality from the other side, we're going to marvel at the strength of what God has joined together, and we'll rejoice in all of those who take such vows seriously while they don't "see" that connection in this life.

In the end, we may or may not "see" the connection of marriage in this life, or in the next.  But what we will see is the connection of Jesus to His Church.  That's the picture of wedding and marriage that will endure for eternity, and in the end, that's the only one that matters.  And we won't just see it, we will live it and experience it as we live together with our God in His kingdom forever and ever.

Justice, in the right hands

A number of you probably keep up with the news to some degree.  I do, but mostly just by looking at headlines.  Only if the headline catches my eye will I click on the link and read the story.  In that way, I tend to "know" what the news is, but don't always know the intricate details.

In recent days, though, I have followed on particular story.  Many of you are probably familiar with the George Zimmermann case in Florida.  Briefly, he shot and killed an unarmed 17 year old black teenager, and pleaded self defense as the reason for the shooting.  The case has been in the news lately, and over the weekend, the jury found Zimmermann not guilty.

There was an instant backlash by many who believed that justice wasn't served properly in this case.  Again, I don't pretend to know the details of the case, and even less do I know what evidence the jurors saw that led to their verdict.  I do know that there is still much to the case that isn't really all that clear-cut, and that's the reason for the outcry.

However, I have heard about some who are disappointed in the turnout as saying that Zimmermann will likely have some form of vigilante justice shown to him before long.  Whether or not Zimmermann is guilty or not guilty, the way our justice system is supposed to be set up is so that people don't take the law into their own hands.  While we love the idea of the wild west and that kind of thing, that's simply not how it's supposed to work.

In my mind, I think there is a great deal of guilt on both sides.  Maybe not the kind that our justice system demands, but I know there is definitely a lack of love for neighbor being demonstrated throughout this case.  And as John would remind us in one of his letters, if we can't love our brother, whom we have seen, we have a really tough time loving God, whom we haven't seen.

In the end, in terms of this world, this case probably has relatively little long-term repercussions.  But when it comes to the perfect justice of our God, we all simply stand before Him and say, "Thank you for Jesus and what He has done for us."  May that be our justice cry as Christians.

Learning by Doing

There is a great account of experiential learning in the Old Testament.  It happens really early in the book we call Exodus.  This man by the name of Moses sees this bush on fire, but not burning up.  The LORD God speaks to him, saying that Moses will lead God's people out of Egypt.  And then, Moses asks the really relevant question; Who am I, that I should do this?  God then gives Moses a very interesting answer.

If you look at Exodus 3:12, God responds to Moses' question in a very interesting way.  How will you know that it's you that will do this, Moses?  You'll know when you've brought the people out and ya'll're worshiping on this mountain.  (By the way, that's the southern version there.)  God doesn't give Moses a ten step program to follow on freeing people from slavery.  He doesn't give him a book to read on leadership.  God tells Moses, go do this, and you'll know you're up to it when you have finished.

That's a very stark contrast to how we tend to emphasize learning in our day and age.  We read books about whatever it is that we're learning.  We talk about what it would look like to do it.  We talk about the reasons that we should be doing it, and we talk about the challenges of it.  We talk about the history of it, or what research has said about it.  And maybe, by now, you've gotten the point.  We talk about learning.  But how often do we actually get out there and do what we're learning about in order to learn about it?

The best way to actually learn to do something is by getting out there and trying it.  Sure, sometimes a little background information helps (like knowing what a baseball is, from yesterday's example).  And sure, sometimes reading the guide helps (like programming your TV or other devices).  But really, it's when you get in there and tinker with it that you really learn how things work.  It really does seem like God created us to learn by doing, by experiencing the life He has given us.

Learning How You Learn

It seems so easy.  You pick up a ball and throw it to another person squatting about 63 feet away.  Your goal is to throw it in such a way that a guy standing there with a piece of wood can't hit it.  To aid you in this, there are several different ways that you can grip the ball before you throw it, which will affect how it twists and turns on the way to the glove.  If you just look at the grips, you also should be able to throw the ball so that the guy with the wooden stick misses it, right?

How many of us think that we could throw a baseball with the many different pitch options that there are, and do so effectively, just by looking at pictures of the different grips?  I remember, when I was young, that I would go out to the side of our garage and try the different grips to see if I could make the ball spin like it should.  Unfortunately for me, I could really never get the ball to do what I wanted it to do.  But it sure wasn't for lack of trying!

What I'm describing here is something that I call experiential learning.  You learn to do something by actually doing it.  If you want to learn to throw a baseball pitch, you actually go out there and throw the pitch, as least, to the best of your ability.  If you want to learn to become a more conversational person, you don't do it by reading a book; you do it by going out and talking to people.  Sure, the first few conversations may be a bit awkward, but as you learn the give and take of conversation, you learn how to talk with people that you may not know well.

I would argue that the Christian Church has not always focused properly on experiential learning.  So often, we simply teach what God says is right or wrong, but leave it at that.  There's a time and place for this kind of teaching.  It's the first step in our Christian lives.  But so often, that's where Christian instruction stops (and yes, I'm guilty of this too).  We teach the head knowledge, but fail to carry it through to the life knowledge and experience.

Take, for example, God's gift of forgiveness.  We hear that God has forgiven us in Jesus, and that we then become forgiving people.  But so often, that's where the lesson stops.  We don't actually send people out, tell them to find someone to forgive that week, and then talk about their experiences the following time when we get together.  We simply teach it as head knowledge, but the experience of living out forgiveness happens far too infrequently, and in part, I believe that's because we fail to have people experience it and then talk about it.

For those who are part of the place where I minister, you can expect to see much about experiential learning in the future.  And don't be surprised when I actually have you go out and practice some of the things that we believe as Christians!

Back in the Saddle Again

Hello my friends!  It's been a long time, hasn't it?  I apologize for the absence of my thoughts on the internet lately.  It's been a fairly hectic time.  For the last three weeks, I have spent much time in other places, busy with many things.  I took my final class toward my doctoral degree in St. Louis, MO, for two weeks, and then followed that up almost immediately to spend time with 3 young people from our congregation at the National Youth Gathering, along with about 25,000 young people from our church body.  Needless to say, it's good to be back home with my family, in my familiar bed, and to get back into the routine of life.

In some ways, though, ministry is not "routine".  During my weekly schedule, I attempt to set aside regular time for things such as reading, studying, preparing for studies and sermons, and the like.  But you know what typically happens, right?  The phone rings.  And rings again.  Then, someone stops by for a few minutes.  Then there are the occasional really big things that pop up.  The funeral.  The wedding.  The hospital visit, sometimes for something relatively minor, and other times for something fairly major.  The youth that needs some guidance or direction.  Planning things out with the rest of the staff.  And suddenly, lack of routine becomes the routine.

That was no less true for Jesus, by the way.  How many times did He want to go off and pray or sleep, but the crowds needed more from Him?  How often was He hungry, but the needs of the people nourished His soul more than any bread would have?  And yet, Jesus took it far more graciously than how I tend to take interruptions and disruptions.  So every once in a while, I need to remind myself that life is not simply about my routine.

However, at the same time, it's good to know what's coming, and to work to create some sort of plan or routine for life and work.  It's so much easier when you know what's coming up, and where you are expected to be.  It's easier to get into the proper frame of mind when you know you are going to be studying, or preparing a bible study or a sermon.  Routine brings a level of anticipation and preparedness, which we so often need in our lives.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is, you can probably expect a few more frequent posts now.  But don't be surprised every once in a while when routine gets disrupted, and you might not hear from me for a day or two (or more).