Wednesday, July 31, 2013

When Relational Doesn't Work

I've been reading a very interesting book on youth ministry over the past week.  I've only gotten through three chapters so far, but that's somewhat expected, as it's a bit heavier of a book, and my time has been somewhat limited for "extra" reading.  It's entitled, "Eutychus Youth", talking about an applied theology for youth ministry.

One of the things I read last night has struck a chord within me.  The author, a man that I have a great deal of respect for, takes a bold stance in a current "trendy" direction in lots of churches and youth ministry programs.  Much has been made of having "relational" ministries.  This means that churches don't rely upon programs as the means of drawing people to Christ, but utilize relationships on the part of God's people to influence and connect with people.

So this author makes an assertion that I hadn't fully thought about before.  He says that relational ministry has been misused in some ways.  Relationships are good in and of themselves.  However, in some ministries, the relationships have been contrived, seen merely as a means to an end, that of connecting people to Jesus or getting them to be part of the ministry or the church.

Here's where this is problematic.  If we strike up a relationship with a person without intending to maintain that relationship, but instead we have ulterior motives for instigating that relationship in the first place, we have done nothing more than a very clever "bait and switch" on the person.  And yes, people will recognize when we seek to create a relationship with them, only to reveal our ulterior motives later.  And if we do that in the name of Christ Jesus, we not only hurt the person we strike up the relationship with, we also bring damage to the name of Jesus.

What's the solution?  Well, it's both very simple and very complex.  We initiate relationships, not with the intent that we will bring them into our congregation or our youth ministry, but because we desire a relationship with that person.  Yes, it is fully appropriate to interject Jesus into the relationship, but the relationship should never hinge upon that person's acceptance or denial of what Jesus has done.  If we only build relationships in order to bring people to Christ, we show that we value converts more than friendships or relationships, and in the long run, that's going to hurt our efforts to share the good news. 

Being relational is a great thing.  However, when we initiate relationships with ulterior motives, it will inevitably come back to haunt us.  So may we seek out relationships, not merely to draw people to Jesus, but to also truly relate to those individuals with whom we strike up relationships.

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