Friday, October 14, 2011

How do you build character?

Yesterday I kicked off a blog series talking about character.  I'm finding that the discussion on character is very interesting, and wanted to put a few thoughts out there about how you build up character in life.

I've heard and read two different "theories" about character development.  The first one says that you are born with your character, or at least, the foundation is there before you ever start working on it.  This theory would say that we are born with certain fundamental personality aspects that will simply build up over time as we grow.  For example, a person whose character can be defined as trustworthy is someone who was born with some kind of leaning or gift in that direction.

The second theory about character development says that character aspects are nurtured and grown through life experience.  What you are taught as you grow up, the various experiences in life, and your willingness to learn and adapt shape your character as you grow.  For example, that same person with the character trait of trustworthiness becomes so because he learns that being trustworthy is preferable to being untrustworthy, he finds himself in situations that reinforce that, and so these experiences shape his character.

Personally, I see a little bit of each of these at work in shaping our character.  God creates each of us unique, which means that we each have a distinct personality and character that God has put inside of us as we were conceived and born.  However, the experiences that we face in life help to either build upon that character, or work to alter it as we go through life.  A person whom God created as a very caring, trustworthy person may find herself in a situation where she experiences abuse, and so she finds it difficult to trust others, even though she may really want to.  Her care for others is influenced by the lack of care she has experienced in life, and without someone there to develop that character trait, she may find it challenging to care for others, especially if she has had that character trait used against her.

On the other hand, you can take someone who doesn't seem very caring, and then introduce them into a situation where the need for care becomes very apparent.  A person who finds his parents suddenly disabled in a car accident may suddenly discover that caring is something that he needs to do, regardless of how intuitively it may come to him.  By caring for his parents, he learns how to care for others, and that experience shapes his character, even if such caring does not come easily to him.

It would seem that the ideal would be to nurture those character traits which God gives us in our nature, and to let our life experience nurture them to even greater levels.  (As an aside, this is one reason why I believe that everyone should be open to new situations and trying something that you've never done before.  You never know how much such an experience will shape you, and how it will help sharpen your character as you endure through it.)  When a person has the gift of caring, and then puts herself in a situation where she can demonstrate that care, she will likely find even greater ways of enhancing that character. 

Just a few thoughts from me.  Feel free to let me know if you agree, disagree, or just have a few thoughts to share!

No comments:

Post a Comment