Yesterday I gave a few thoughts on how we can sometimes use the word grace to really mean that we tolerate something. As I've given it a bit more thought, one of the things that I have realized is that we often want to be "nice" to others, but sometimes what we are nice about isn't really all that nice in the long run.
Want an example? Let's start off with a fairly cheesy one. Your friend was eating lunch, and some ketchup or mayo got onto their cheek. They haven't noticed. You want to be nice to them. So do you not say anything about it, since it may not be "nice" to mention it? Or do you say something to them because it wouldn't be nice to let them walk around like that for others to see?
Like I said, cheesy example. But let's put it into a bit tougher situation now. You have a friend who just blurts out things that sometimes can be offensive to others. It makes you feel uncomfortable when this person does this. You know that it affects how other people see your friend. So what is the "nice" thing to do? Do you just keep your mouth shut, since drawing attention to it might strike a nerve with your friend? Do you say something because you know that it is affecting your friend's reputation in the eyes of others?
That one might be a bit tougher. It's a lot harder to draw attention to someone's habits or personality than it is some food on their cheek. One of our human tendencies is to say that it's "nice" when we don't say something to upset our friend. After all, it might cause friction between us, and friction is definitely not nice.
Yet, in the end, aren't we failing to be nice by letting our friend continue to live in a way that detracts from his/her reputation in others' eyes? By us trying to be "nice", we're actually allowing our friend's reputation to suffer, which is not really all that nice, is it?
We could really take this to some deep levels, which I might do in the future, but for today, I would simply ask you to ponder that thought. What does it really mean to be nice? Is it to call attention to something that does need to be addressed, or is it to simply try to keep things with the least amount of friction?
Want an example? Let's start off with a fairly cheesy one. Your friend was eating lunch, and some ketchup or mayo got onto their cheek. They haven't noticed. You want to be nice to them. So do you not say anything about it, since it may not be "nice" to mention it? Or do you say something to them because it wouldn't be nice to let them walk around like that for others to see?
Like I said, cheesy example. But let's put it into a bit tougher situation now. You have a friend who just blurts out things that sometimes can be offensive to others. It makes you feel uncomfortable when this person does this. You know that it affects how other people see your friend. So what is the "nice" thing to do? Do you just keep your mouth shut, since drawing attention to it might strike a nerve with your friend? Do you say something because you know that it is affecting your friend's reputation in the eyes of others?
That one might be a bit tougher. It's a lot harder to draw attention to someone's habits or personality than it is some food on their cheek. One of our human tendencies is to say that it's "nice" when we don't say something to upset our friend. After all, it might cause friction between us, and friction is definitely not nice.
Yet, in the end, aren't we failing to be nice by letting our friend continue to live in a way that detracts from his/her reputation in others' eyes? By us trying to be "nice", we're actually allowing our friend's reputation to suffer, which is not really all that nice, is it?
We could really take this to some deep levels, which I might do in the future, but for today, I would simply ask you to ponder that thought. What does it really mean to be nice? Is it to call attention to something that does need to be addressed, or is it to simply try to keep things with the least amount of friction?
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