Confusing "Grace" with "Tolerance"

I'm inventing the following scenario, but the real purpose of it is to guide us in thinking about how we, as Christians, may actually say we are being gracious to someone when, in reality, we are being tolerant of their continued sin.  On with the story.

Sue was getting fed up.  Once again, she had been forced to attend a parent/teacher conference alone because her husband Tim had to work late.  This was a regular issue coming up between the two of them.  He would work long hours, and his reason was always that they needed the extra income to pay for their mortgage, their cars, to put food on the table for their son, and the like. 

The thing was, Sue was tired of it.  She knew that Tim really did want her and their son to have good things in life.  She knew that Tim liked to have this lifestyle, as well.  But it was getting in the way of them being a family.  Tim didn't really know his son, and she herself had felt the distance that came up between she and Tim. 

Sue knew that the issue needed to be addressed.  So she went and talked to a couple of her church friends about it.  She heard them say that she needed to act with grace toward Tim while dealing with him.  Grace should be her guiding principle in this whole interaction.  That made a great deal of sense to Sue.  Wasn't God gracious toward her?  Didn't God show His grace even when she didn't deserve it?  The not so subtle message was that she should show that same grace to Tim, while they tried to find a workable solution.

Now, you may have just read that story and didn't see anything wrong in it.  But here is where I would venture to say that this story shows that we do exactly what the title of my post is for today.  We confuse grace with tolerance.  Tim (and the rest of the family) have a particular lifestyle that they are comfortable with.  While the issue with time spent at work versus time spent at home is a very real issue, both Sue and Tim are framing it around the things they "need".  They need two cars and a bigger home, and a number of other things.

But let's focus for just a moment on the solution that is given to Sue by her two church friends.  "Show him grace" is essentially their message.  But let me venture forth this question.  Is it really grace to let someone continue to deceive himself that he's working for others when he really is working to fill his desires?  Tim (and Sue) both approach his work as though it's taking care of their needs, and yet, it seems that they are striving for far more than what they "need".  They are after the things that they want in life, things that make for a nice, easy life.

So when Sue's friends tell her to deal with him in grace, it seems that they are basically saying, "tolerate his (and your) work hours in order to have what you "need"" instead of addressing the real issue.  The real issue is that both Tim and Sue feel that they need to have a certain lifestyle, and even though their efforts to support that lifestyle are creating difficulties, neither of them are willing to say that they want those things more than they want to address the issue of idolatry in their lives.  They both want security, which Martin Luther has said is one of the most tenacious idols that we can have as humans.  We look to our material wealth for our good and security rather than trusting God above all things.

I would say that Sue's friends have confused grace with tolerance.  Think back through the story, and consider how you would approach the situation with true grace, rather than grace which has been confused as tolerance.