Every once in a while, I find myself in an argument with my wife or other important people in my life. I have come to realize that I have a very strong desire to show that I am right in what I'm thinking when these kinds of situations arise. This is, perhaps, even more pronounced when I know that I'm right about something.
The thing is, I often find that it seems to be more important to prove that I am right to the other person than it is to help them know things rightly. Now, I realize that this seems to be a confusing statement, so please allow me a moment to explain.
Let's say that I'm right about something, and you are wrong. From a purely selfish motivation, I want to prove that I am right because that also proves that you are wrong. In a way, that puts me a step above you, and I really like having that 'high road', so to speak. So my intention can be to prove that I'm right and you are wrong simply because it exalts me over you in some way.
Now, let's contrast that with this. Let's say that I'm right about cigarettes being harmful to your health, but you are insisting that it's okay for you to smoke. Instead of proving that I'm right and on a 'higher road' than you, what if I were trying to show you the problems with smoking because you are so special, and because I don't want you to lose out on the impediments that smoking will likely bring on your life. I want you to get the most out of life, and to be around to see your grandkids, and not to have to go through challenges that could arise with lung cancer. I don't want you to have to feel short of breath all the time, and I want you to be able to do everything you want in life, and the best way to do that is to show you that smoking will keep you from those things.
Do you see a major difference in those two approaches? One is primarily focused on me and my need to be correct. The other is looking to your good and benefit. Even though I'm right in both cases, you're probably going to be much more receptive to the second approach than to the first.
Sadly, I think that there is a lot of that first approach by Christians toward one another, and especially toward those who aren't Christian. In many respects, we want to show that we are smarter, or more faithful, or some other ego-feeding trait. We want to exalt our knowledge, or our faith, or our way of life, and want nothing more than for others to see that we're right, they're wrong, and then to change so that they are more like us.
I can imagine that this approach probably won't win a lot of points with others. But when we change that approach to one of compassion and care for the other person rather than for our own benefit, it would stand to reason that we could bear more fruit. I'm not saying that it will suddenly change everything, but suggest that such a compassionate approach is more likely to have others hear us and listen to us, which then gives the Holy Spirit a greater occasion to do His work of changing and converting hearts and souls.
As I say this, I recognize that I'm also including myself in what I'm saying. I don't have this down pat, by any stretch of the imagination. But as that awareness grows within me, I know that I hope to change. I don't want to be that person who is always trying to be right to feed my own ego. I want to be that person that others say is so compassionate and really does seem to want what is best for them in their life. In my eyes, that seems to open far more doors to the message of God's grace than if I'm simply trying to feed my own need to be right.
Thoughts? Comments? Arguments? I'd love to hear them!
The thing is, I often find that it seems to be more important to prove that I am right to the other person than it is to help them know things rightly. Now, I realize that this seems to be a confusing statement, so please allow me a moment to explain.
Let's say that I'm right about something, and you are wrong. From a purely selfish motivation, I want to prove that I am right because that also proves that you are wrong. In a way, that puts me a step above you, and I really like having that 'high road', so to speak. So my intention can be to prove that I'm right and you are wrong simply because it exalts me over you in some way.
Now, let's contrast that with this. Let's say that I'm right about cigarettes being harmful to your health, but you are insisting that it's okay for you to smoke. Instead of proving that I'm right and on a 'higher road' than you, what if I were trying to show you the problems with smoking because you are so special, and because I don't want you to lose out on the impediments that smoking will likely bring on your life. I want you to get the most out of life, and to be around to see your grandkids, and not to have to go through challenges that could arise with lung cancer. I don't want you to have to feel short of breath all the time, and I want you to be able to do everything you want in life, and the best way to do that is to show you that smoking will keep you from those things.
Do you see a major difference in those two approaches? One is primarily focused on me and my need to be correct. The other is looking to your good and benefit. Even though I'm right in both cases, you're probably going to be much more receptive to the second approach than to the first.
Sadly, I think that there is a lot of that first approach by Christians toward one another, and especially toward those who aren't Christian. In many respects, we want to show that we are smarter, or more faithful, or some other ego-feeding trait. We want to exalt our knowledge, or our faith, or our way of life, and want nothing more than for others to see that we're right, they're wrong, and then to change so that they are more like us.
I can imagine that this approach probably won't win a lot of points with others. But when we change that approach to one of compassion and care for the other person rather than for our own benefit, it would stand to reason that we could bear more fruit. I'm not saying that it will suddenly change everything, but suggest that such a compassionate approach is more likely to have others hear us and listen to us, which then gives the Holy Spirit a greater occasion to do His work of changing and converting hearts and souls.
As I say this, I recognize that I'm also including myself in what I'm saying. I don't have this down pat, by any stretch of the imagination. But as that awareness grows within me, I know that I hope to change. I don't want to be that person who is always trying to be right to feed my own ego. I want to be that person that others say is so compassionate and really does seem to want what is best for them in their life. In my eyes, that seems to open far more doors to the message of God's grace than if I'm simply trying to feed my own need to be right.
Thoughts? Comments? Arguments? I'd love to hear them!
I agree on this point. I'm quite often like the first type.. Thank you for your post, pastor Scott! - Enid :D
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