On Monday, I presented a scenario in which your kid has been stopped by the police for shoplifting. I want to change that scenario a bit for today as we continue to think about justice and mercy.
Your kid was once again stopped at the door for shoplifting, and the police are involved. Let's say that it was for a game that your kid has really wanted for his/her gaming system, but cost too much, and you as the parent thought it was too violent for them to have. So you are once again on your way over to see what needs to be done.
When you approach your kid, he/she tells you that they really wanted the game, and that they knew there was no other way that they were ever going to get it. There's a hint of remorse there (maybe only from getting caught, but you aren't sure), but there's also a bit of defiance involved. He/she knew you didn't approve of this game, and not only did they seek to get the game, but to do it in an illegal way.
What is the appropriate balance of justice and mercy here? Obviously, there needs to be some form of consequence. This child did something knowingly that was wrong and against your wishes. At the same time, there is also a degree of recognition that he/she was wrong, and a bit of remorse. In this situation, what is the balance of justice and mercy?
This is where things get tricky for us as humans. I would dare say that there is not a blanket, one-size-fits-all balance. Balancing justice and mercy in this situation depends on how you know your kid. This may be the first time your kid has ever tried something like this, so you may think that it's appropriate to nip this in the bud, so you choose to be heavy on the justice aspect. Or, you may know that your kid will be very humiliated to have been caught breaking the law, and that the damage to his/her reputation may be fairly significant in his/her life, so you show more mercy. On the other hand, this may be something that isn't unique in the kid's life, and so it's time to show that justice has a great price for breaking the law. Or your kid may be defiant about it, in which case a greater dose of justice may be called for.
The thing I most want to point out in this situation is that it requires knowing your child to know what will be appropriate and effective. That's the thing with justice and mercy. In many cases, the balance of these two depends on how you know the other person. While it may be the case that there are some common points in which justice needs to be administered (he/she did, after all, break the law by stealing), the balance of mercy and justice depends greatly on how well you know your child, and what affects them the most.
This places a great deal of responsibility on all of us. It means that we probably are not the best ones to determine the balance of justice and mercy on those that we don't know. But it also means that, if we want to have the right balance toward the people we know in our lives, we need to take the time to get to know them, so we know what will be best in our connection with them.
Your kid was once again stopped at the door for shoplifting, and the police are involved. Let's say that it was for a game that your kid has really wanted for his/her gaming system, but cost too much, and you as the parent thought it was too violent for them to have. So you are once again on your way over to see what needs to be done.
When you approach your kid, he/she tells you that they really wanted the game, and that they knew there was no other way that they were ever going to get it. There's a hint of remorse there (maybe only from getting caught, but you aren't sure), but there's also a bit of defiance involved. He/she knew you didn't approve of this game, and not only did they seek to get the game, but to do it in an illegal way.
What is the appropriate balance of justice and mercy here? Obviously, there needs to be some form of consequence. This child did something knowingly that was wrong and against your wishes. At the same time, there is also a degree of recognition that he/she was wrong, and a bit of remorse. In this situation, what is the balance of justice and mercy?
This is where things get tricky for us as humans. I would dare say that there is not a blanket, one-size-fits-all balance. Balancing justice and mercy in this situation depends on how you know your kid. This may be the first time your kid has ever tried something like this, so you may think that it's appropriate to nip this in the bud, so you choose to be heavy on the justice aspect. Or, you may know that your kid will be very humiliated to have been caught breaking the law, and that the damage to his/her reputation may be fairly significant in his/her life, so you show more mercy. On the other hand, this may be something that isn't unique in the kid's life, and so it's time to show that justice has a great price for breaking the law. Or your kid may be defiant about it, in which case a greater dose of justice may be called for.
The thing I most want to point out in this situation is that it requires knowing your child to know what will be appropriate and effective. That's the thing with justice and mercy. In many cases, the balance of these two depends on how you know the other person. While it may be the case that there are some common points in which justice needs to be administered (he/she did, after all, break the law by stealing), the balance of mercy and justice depends greatly on how well you know your child, and what affects them the most.
This places a great deal of responsibility on all of us. It means that we probably are not the best ones to determine the balance of justice and mercy on those that we don't know. But it also means that, if we want to have the right balance toward the people we know in our lives, we need to take the time to get to know them, so we know what will be best in our connection with them.
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