One of the sides of leadership that I have never been able to prepare for, and really have always inadequately dealt with, is the loneliness that comes from conviction. What do I mean by that, you ask? Great question.
The Loneliness of Conviction comes when you know that there is something that needs to be done, or an issue that needs to be addressed, and you realize that you are the one who is being called upon to lead the charge. Others may think or feel the same way that you do, but they have not been given the opportunity or strength to speak up or stand up. Yet others may see your conviction as unnecessary, needlessly causing conflict and stirring up the pot from their normal, known, often comfortable ways. Some may even stand actively against you, whether they (or you) are right or wrong, but simply find comfort in where they stand.
I will admit that this particular matter, the loneliness of conviction, has led to more sleepless nights than I would ever have hoped for. I will also admit that even typing these words causes me to question myself. The vulnerability that I admit to having in being lonely and in, at times, wanting not to be the one who has such conviction, is truly gut-wrenching. However, I also have come to believe very firmly in what Paul wrote when he wrote that, in weakness, the power of Christ is revealed. Vulnerability truly does have a way of opening up doors for the Spirit that power, pride, and confidence don't.
The loneliness of conviction is not something you typically learn when dealing with leadership. We often want to think that we will be able to win the argument, to persuade others to our side. We want to think that our influence will change their minds and their actions. And, truthfully, sometimes our conviction is simply the conviction of a better way to do something, but the "old" way is known, comfortable, and may even be showing signs of life, however faint. The conviction to move out into the unknown is not something given to everyone. Why do you think the people grumbled against Moses when they were out in the wilderness? Moses had the conviction that this was from God, and yet, even as badly as the people had it, it was easier to grumble against it. And even Moses struggled with the loneliness of conviction.
The loneliness of conviction is real. Perhaps it is something that you have never thought of before, and if you are reading this, I hope you don't go away disheartened. Yes, the loneliness of conviction is hard, but often, it means that God has prepared you for this moment (think Esther, as her cousin Mordecai would tell her that God may even have put her in the position she was in for just a time as this). God has also redeemed this, as Jesus Himself knows the loneliness of conviction, eventually being completely abandoned by all as He bore the weight of the sin of the world and the wrath of God, only to overcome it with His resurrection. It is His strength that flows. Will we fail? Yes. Will we doubt? Yes. Will we be lonely? Yes. Will we feel guilty if we fail to act or stand on our convictions? Yes. And yet, there will be a Savior there who has scars of His own and who can tell you that He can and has redeemed even this moment.
The Loneliness of Conviction comes when you know that there is something that needs to be done, or an issue that needs to be addressed, and you realize that you are the one who is being called upon to lead the charge. Others may think or feel the same way that you do, but they have not been given the opportunity or strength to speak up or stand up. Yet others may see your conviction as unnecessary, needlessly causing conflict and stirring up the pot from their normal, known, often comfortable ways. Some may even stand actively against you, whether they (or you) are right or wrong, but simply find comfort in where they stand.
I will admit that this particular matter, the loneliness of conviction, has led to more sleepless nights than I would ever have hoped for. I will also admit that even typing these words causes me to question myself. The vulnerability that I admit to having in being lonely and in, at times, wanting not to be the one who has such conviction, is truly gut-wrenching. However, I also have come to believe very firmly in what Paul wrote when he wrote that, in weakness, the power of Christ is revealed. Vulnerability truly does have a way of opening up doors for the Spirit that power, pride, and confidence don't.
The loneliness of conviction is not something you typically learn when dealing with leadership. We often want to think that we will be able to win the argument, to persuade others to our side. We want to think that our influence will change their minds and their actions. And, truthfully, sometimes our conviction is simply the conviction of a better way to do something, but the "old" way is known, comfortable, and may even be showing signs of life, however faint. The conviction to move out into the unknown is not something given to everyone. Why do you think the people grumbled against Moses when they were out in the wilderness? Moses had the conviction that this was from God, and yet, even as badly as the people had it, it was easier to grumble against it. And even Moses struggled with the loneliness of conviction.
The loneliness of conviction is real. Perhaps it is something that you have never thought of before, and if you are reading this, I hope you don't go away disheartened. Yes, the loneliness of conviction is hard, but often, it means that God has prepared you for this moment (think Esther, as her cousin Mordecai would tell her that God may even have put her in the position she was in for just a time as this). God has also redeemed this, as Jesus Himself knows the loneliness of conviction, eventually being completely abandoned by all as He bore the weight of the sin of the world and the wrath of God, only to overcome it with His resurrection. It is His strength that flows. Will we fail? Yes. Will we doubt? Yes. Will we be lonely? Yes. Will we feel guilty if we fail to act or stand on our convictions? Yes. And yet, there will be a Savior there who has scars of His own and who can tell you that He can and has redeemed even this moment.
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