Initiating Reconciliation

In light of yesterday's post, one question that I know people tend to have revolves around who initiates the reconciliation process.  Common assumptions tend to flow in both directions.  There are those who think that the process should be initiated by the person who is the affected one.  After all, they are the one that is being bothered by the problem or the conflict.  They have the hurt feelings, and so they should take the first step forward.  That's one side of the argument.

The other side of the argument looks at the person who caused the issue in the first place.  After all, they were the one that did the damage.  They spoke the hurtful word, or did the hurtful action.  It seems natural that they should then be the one that should make the initial effort to correct things.  This line of thinking tends to go like this.  They did it, so it's their responsibility to make things right.

So which one is the correct one?  That may seem to be the burning issue.  But here's the thing.  Asking the question in that way tends to direct us to the one to whom we should point the finger when conflict or hurt feelings are unresolved.  We want it to be someone's fault.  And from a biblical standpoint, I believe that's why God's Word doesn't give us an answer to a question phrased in such a way.

So what does God's Word say?  Well, let's look at a couple of places to see.  In Matthew 5:21-26, Jesus talks about the person who remembers that their brother has something against them.  They should leave their gift at the altar, and first go and be reconciled.  That would seem to suggest that it's the person who initiated the conflict.  If that person's brother has something against him or her, then they are to seek that person out to resolve the conflict.

However, when we look at 2 Corinthians 5:11-21, we see a somewhat different picture.  There Paul talks about the ministry of reconciliation.  In Jesus, God took the initiative.  God was the one who had been "hurt" by our sin, and God took the first steps.  Likewise, the apostles weren't waiting for the sinful world to come to them for reconciliation, but were going forth on God's behalf to be reconciled.  This would seem to suggest that the person who was hurt should be the one to initiate the process of reconciliation.

So which is it?  The way the Bible seems to paint the answer is this.  It's the one who realizes that reconciliation needs to take place.  In that respect, the responsibility doesn't fall only on the person who initiated the conflict, or on the person who suffered at the hands of the other.  It falls upon the one who first realizes that reconciliation needs to take place.  That person then approaches the other person/people to initiate the process. 

So if you find that reconciliation needs to take place, it falls upon you to be the one to initiate the process.  It doesn't matter if you were the one hurt, or the one who did the hurting.  Once you realize that reconciliation needs to take place, start out down that path toward forgiveness.