How much is it worth to have the last word? Or perhaps, I should ask it more accurately. How much is it worth to prove that you are right and that the other person is wrong? It doesn't matter how big or how small the matter may be, if you press things to the point where you prove that you are right and they are wrong, what have you gained and, more importantly, what price have you paid to achieve your victory?
Let's look first at what was gained. You proved you were right. Again, it doesn't really matter what the conversation was, what the disagreement or argument was over, you have proven that your point was the correct point. You now stand more self-assured that you knew the right answer, you stood up for the right answer, and you used your knowledge and insight to prove that you were correct. Nice work. The only thing is, notice how many times I wrote the word "you" in this paragraph. Pushing the point of the argument to where you prove you are right has really only had a benefit for you. You've grown in your pride, and perhaps even arrogance. You've shown yourself superior.
Which brings us to the other side. What price have you paid? What has been lost in you proving that you are correct? Well, the other person didn't win. Again, whether it was a large or small matter, you've now "ranked" yourself over them in some way. Unless you are someone who takes pride in making other people feel smaller and less significant, that really isn't a win. You've lost them, to some extent. You've taken away from their worth and value. You've exalted yourself and humbled them, which means that you have likely also lost some relationship currency. They may not want to have similar conversations with you, if you are only going to prove that you are right and they are wrong.
In his letter to the Philippians, Paul wrote that the Philippian Christians were to consider others as more significant than themselves. Winning the argument does just the opposite. Now, to be sure, there are times where it is fully appropriate to win the argument. If my kid wants to run in the street where cars are driving, I'm going to win that argument. However, I only do so because there is a greater value at work, their safety. If they want to color with red markers instead of blue markers, why do I need to win that argument? Just because blue is my favorite color? Just because the sky is blue, not green?
I admit that I have often pushed to win arguments in my life. However, life experience and God's Word have gone a long way in showing me that winning the argument isn't the great joy it may seem that it should be. I've learned, instead, to ask questions. I've learned to listen a lot more, and speak a lot less. Sure, there are times when my ego wants to win, and I even give in to that desire at times. But I have also seen the Spirit calm that need within me, seeing what Paul wrote to the Corinthians, that it is sometimes better to be wronged than to get my way.
There is always a cost to winning. Sure, we have to deal with substantive issues at time, but even then, when we need to be right, we should strive to do so in respectful, gentle ways. I think most people would value someone who would be right, but would be so in a gentle, respectful way. I hope that you will be guided by that next time you feel the need to be "right".
Let's look first at what was gained. You proved you were right. Again, it doesn't really matter what the conversation was, what the disagreement or argument was over, you have proven that your point was the correct point. You now stand more self-assured that you knew the right answer, you stood up for the right answer, and you used your knowledge and insight to prove that you were correct. Nice work. The only thing is, notice how many times I wrote the word "you" in this paragraph. Pushing the point of the argument to where you prove you are right has really only had a benefit for you. You've grown in your pride, and perhaps even arrogance. You've shown yourself superior.
Which brings us to the other side. What price have you paid? What has been lost in you proving that you are correct? Well, the other person didn't win. Again, whether it was a large or small matter, you've now "ranked" yourself over them in some way. Unless you are someone who takes pride in making other people feel smaller and less significant, that really isn't a win. You've lost them, to some extent. You've taken away from their worth and value. You've exalted yourself and humbled them, which means that you have likely also lost some relationship currency. They may not want to have similar conversations with you, if you are only going to prove that you are right and they are wrong.
In his letter to the Philippians, Paul wrote that the Philippian Christians were to consider others as more significant than themselves. Winning the argument does just the opposite. Now, to be sure, there are times where it is fully appropriate to win the argument. If my kid wants to run in the street where cars are driving, I'm going to win that argument. However, I only do so because there is a greater value at work, their safety. If they want to color with red markers instead of blue markers, why do I need to win that argument? Just because blue is my favorite color? Just because the sky is blue, not green?
I admit that I have often pushed to win arguments in my life. However, life experience and God's Word have gone a long way in showing me that winning the argument isn't the great joy it may seem that it should be. I've learned, instead, to ask questions. I've learned to listen a lot more, and speak a lot less. Sure, there are times when my ego wants to win, and I even give in to that desire at times. But I have also seen the Spirit calm that need within me, seeing what Paul wrote to the Corinthians, that it is sometimes better to be wronged than to get my way.
There is always a cost to winning. Sure, we have to deal with substantive issues at time, but even then, when we need to be right, we should strive to do so in respectful, gentle ways. I think most people would value someone who would be right, but would be so in a gentle, respectful way. I hope that you will be guided by that next time you feel the need to be "right".
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