Dealing With Unsatisfying Characteristics

We've heard the expressions before.  "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  "A leopard doesn't change its spots."  These expressions seem to indicate that it is impossible for us to change who we are.  The claim they make is that we are static beings, that, once we have come to have certain characteristics, they simply cannot be changed.

You might guess that I disagree with this, and you would be right.  I do believe that it is possible for us to change our character.  However, I also will acknowledge that this will likely prove very difficult to do.  Yesterday, I used the example of someone who naturally runs from and avoids conflict.  And I'll stick with that example to describe what I'm thinking today.

Let's say that you were raised in a way to avoid conflict, for whatever reason.  And yet, you find that this character trait isn't helping you in situations you come across in life.  So you want to change.  You want to get more comfortable and able to deal with conflict situations.  So what do you do?

Well, you've already done the first thing that is necessary.  You've realized what your character is.  You have come to know who you are (and believe me, it seems that I know a lot of people who don't really know who they are.).  You are able to see something in you that you are unhappy with, and you've taken the next step toward wanting to change that character trait.

So, you decide to work on your ability to be a steady presence in conflict.  You discover some of the many curricula or books out there which teach some of these skills.  You work through the workshop, or you read the book.  You discover great ideas on what do to do.

Now, at this point, our human nature may want to stop.  We've learned more, and for some reason, we tend to think that knowledge will suddenly make everything better.  But you find that, even though you know more about dealing with conflict, when someone says or does something with which you disagree, you still find that you want to close up and avoid rocking the boat.

Knowledge is merely a step along the way of change.  In fact, I would say that the next part is the hardest.  You have to start trying out what you have learned.  An opportunity arises for you to practice what you have learned, and, if you are serious about changing who you are, you have to be bold and courageous and actually start doing things differently.

When you try to do that the first time, you will probably learn a lot about yourself.  Very likely, you'll be relieved to get through the situation as quickly as possible.  In fact, it might be a success that you actually said something, where you would have kept quiet in the past.  That might be enough for a good first time.  Then, the next time, you might try to explain why you think the thing you are standing up for is right.  Don't get me wrong, you'll probably still need a Tums afterward, but you have started learning how to actually do something in a different way, and are working on changing your character.

It would be nice if this were a smooth, easy process, right?  Tomorrow I'll talk a little bit about failures and what they mean as we try to grow or change our character.

When life throws you lemons...sometimes you just get sour

Let's face it, we all have character flaws.  They are those little parts of us which we are not proud of, and which we would much rather have go away.  However, we have found that no amount of wishing them away or trying to battle them has completely overcome them.  They just seem to be a part of who we are.

Once again, in this talk about character, I'm using character as a neutral kind of thing.  Character is what we are known for.  One person is known to avoid conflict, while another almost seems to take a perverse joy in seeking it out.  While we might look at one as better than the other, the reality is that our response becomes part of our character.  And there are times where we really wish our character could be different.

Let's take my illustration from the previous paragraph.  Let's say that I am a person who avoids conflict.  This could be for a number of reasons.  It may be that I grew up in a family that made it a habit to avoid talking about difficult issues, or the theme of my family may have been "don't rock the boat."  While these may have shaped my character to avoid conflict, it's very likely that there would be times in my life where I would really wish that I had the courage to stand up for something, or to address someone in something that I know is wrong. 

Now, in this situation, I could recognize that my character is to avoid conflict.  However, wanting things to be different is likely not going to suddenly make things different.  It would take major work and effort to bring about that kind of character change, and very likely, that initial character will always be present, no matter how much I may learn how to deal with conflict, or to see the need for it, or even develop tools to be better equipped for it.  In all likelihood, my initial response will probably always be a bit of a recoil.

A vital part of our character development happens when we encounter negative experiences in life.  We may become bitter, or fearful, or we may try to overcompensate by going in the opposite direction.  And when we look back on it later in life, we may wish that we had developed different characteristics at a younger age. 

So what do you do when you come to a point of wanting to change your character?  Tune in tomorrow for a few thoughts on that!

Character: in good times or bad?

I apologize for not getting a blog post up on Saturday, as I was dealing with an illness.  Though you have probably noticed by now that my character is not such that I consistently hit my goal of blogging 6 times a week. 

Last week, I ended by asking if character is something we are born with, or something that develops through life experience.  You may recall that I believe it's a little bit of both, that we have certain things that we are born with, and that we can grow in character through life experience as well.  So today, I want to look a little bit at the growth of character as we experience life.

If I were to ask you what some of the most influential experiences have been which have made you who you are today, would they consist of mostly good events or bad events in life?  As I look back at a number of different things that have shaped my character, I tend to find that those elements developed as a result of events that tended to be more difficult.  Don't get me wrong, I believe that good events can help shape our character, too.  However, it does seem that character is built most when we find ourselves tested.

The apostle Paul also seemed to note this.  Romans 5:3-4 states that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character.  When we are challenged in life, we tend to discover who we are.  When trials come upon us, we discover much about ourselves.  Sometimes what we discover is good.  Sometimes we don't like what we discover, and so we make an intentional effort to make a change.

Once again, I'd like to point out that these trials and challenges reveal our character, which consists of what we are known for.  Someone who encounters a challenge in life and runs from it finds that the challenge reveals the characteristic of flight.  On the other hand, another person might encounter that challenge, and then strive to bring good out of the situation, regardless of how difficult that might be.  The challenge reveals the characteristic of fight.  This is not to say that one is better than the other, but that, in both situations, the challenge revealed the character of the person.

How have bad events or experienced shaped your character?  Well, they don't always do so in ways that we are proud of.  So tomorrow, I'll look a little bit at that. 

How do you build character?

Yesterday I kicked off a blog series talking about character.  I'm finding that the discussion on character is very interesting, and wanted to put a few thoughts out there about how you build up character in life.

I've heard and read two different "theories" about character development.  The first one says that you are born with your character, or at least, the foundation is there before you ever start working on it.  This theory would say that we are born with certain fundamental personality aspects that will simply build up over time as we grow.  For example, a person whose character can be defined as trustworthy is someone who was born with some kind of leaning or gift in that direction.

The second theory about character development says that character aspects are nurtured and grown through life experience.  What you are taught as you grow up, the various experiences in life, and your willingness to learn and adapt shape your character as you grow.  For example, that same person with the character trait of trustworthiness becomes so because he learns that being trustworthy is preferable to being untrustworthy, he finds himself in situations that reinforce that, and so these experiences shape his character.

Personally, I see a little bit of each of these at work in shaping our character.  God creates each of us unique, which means that we each have a distinct personality and character that God has put inside of us as we were conceived and born.  However, the experiences that we face in life help to either build upon that character, or work to alter it as we go through life.  A person whom God created as a very caring, trustworthy person may find herself in a situation where she experiences abuse, and so she finds it difficult to trust others, even though she may really want to.  Her care for others is influenced by the lack of care she has experienced in life, and without someone there to develop that character trait, she may find it challenging to care for others, especially if she has had that character trait used against her.

On the other hand, you can take someone who doesn't seem very caring, and then introduce them into a situation where the need for care becomes very apparent.  A person who finds his parents suddenly disabled in a car accident may suddenly discover that caring is something that he needs to do, regardless of how intuitively it may come to him.  By caring for his parents, he learns how to care for others, and that experience shapes his character, even if such caring does not come easily to him.

It would seem that the ideal would be to nurture those character traits which God gives us in our nature, and to let our life experience nurture them to even greater levels.  (As an aside, this is one reason why I believe that everyone should be open to new situations and trying something that you've never done before.  You never know how much such an experience will shape you, and how it will help sharpen your character as you endure through it.)  When a person has the gift of caring, and then puts herself in a situation where she can demonstrate that care, she will likely find even greater ways of enhancing that character. 

Just a few thoughts from me.  Feel free to let me know if you agree, disagree, or just have a few thoughts to share!

Character, godliness, and integrity

"More than that, we know that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."  Romans 5:4-5

I've been doing a bit of reading on the topic of character lately.  It's also been a topic which I have been talking about with others in my life.  And so, for a little while, I'm going to focus on a few things involving character on this blog.  So please stick with me, and feel free to offer feedback, share thoughts, and even correct me if/when I may step out of line.

How do you recognize character in a person?  Well, perhaps the first step to that is to discover what we mean by character.  In my mind, that's not the easiest thing to do.  We have characters in a play, characters in movies, we call people who act out or have distinctive personalities "characters".  So what do we really mean by this word?

Part of my reflections on this word character involve coming up with what I mean when I use it.  So for the purposes of clarity in future blog posts, this is what I will mean when I use the word.  Character is the distinctiveness and uniqueness of an individual which is observed over time.  Okay, let me explain that a little bit.

Every one of us has certain things that we will tend to do with a degree of regularity.  These come to define who we are as a person.  This is not to say that a particular characteristic is good or bad, it is to say that this comes to define who we are as a person.  For example, I might know a person who regularly goes out of his way to help others.  That would be part of that person's character.  I might know another person who lies every time he gets caught doing something.  Again, that's part of that person's character.  While the action which defines the person may be good or bad, right or wrong, the idea of character is neutral in itself.  In other words, it shows what makes that person distinctive and unique, regardless of whether the action is right or wrong.

Now, I understand that we tend to use the word character in a more positive sense.  When someone stands up to others for what is right, we say that person has character.  When someone endures consequences for doing the right thing, we say that person has character.  While I will not disagree with these kind of statements, I would also argue that the person who regularly lies in certain situations is also demonstrating character.  That person is living up to the thing that makes him distinctive and unique.

For my last point today, I will say that character can be either good or bad.  The person who has a tendency to tell the truth, regardless of the consequences for himself, demonstrates good character.  The person who has a tendency to tell lies, regardless of the consequences, demonstrates bad character.  Therefore, as we work to discover what character is, and how we demonstrate it in life, we'll very likely find that we have both good points and bad points to our character.  But more on that tomorrow!

Fall: A Beautiful Season

The leaves are starting to change color around here.  Over the past week, we've had a couple of cold fronts that have brought night-time temperatures into the 30s, which means that the leaves start to show their beautiful colors, and the air gets a bit of a nip to it in the mornings.

In some ways, I think fall here where I live is the most beautiful time of the year.  The grass is still green, not scorched brown from the summer anymore.  The leaves show their bright colors before they start to find their way to the ground.  And then, looking up to the tops of the mountains, the white snow starts to blanket the ground.

Psalm 19 starts off by declaring that the heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky His handiwork.  It seems that this world also likes to display the creativeness and splendor of God.  And the thing is, this is a broken, fallen, cursed world (read Genesis 3:17-19).  Can you imagine the beauty and splendor of a world that isn't cursed, that knows no sin? 

That's the world that is promised to those who believe that Jesus lived, died, and rose again for them.  He has purchased your ticket to that world, and you get that ticket by believing that He has washed you and made you perfect through His blood.  Just think of the splendor of that world, which awaits us when He shows Himself once again and re-creates this world.

Reaction to the News: Steve Jobs

Watching the news last night, I heard a lot about Steve Jobs and his death.  When we think about the technological world in which we live, it's hard not to see his fingerprints all over it.  While I am not a huge Apple person, I use my ipod pretty much every day, especially when I run, and I frequently listen to songs on my itunes player. 

That really got me to wondering.  We have so much technology in these days, and how does that technology relate to God and His work in our lives?  In some cases, it seems that technology and God are on opposite ends of the spectrum.  Technology often seems to be about discovery, about knowing more, and about human potential.  Technology and faith matters seem to create lots of gray areas, especially when we think about things like cloning, in vitro fertilization, artificial human body parts, and the extension of life.  Some of these questions are not easily answered, and, in reality, we may not know what God would say about some of the particulars while we live this life on earth.

Yet, at the same time, technology and God also seem to fit hand in hand in some ways.  God demonstrated His creativeness when He made the various life forms present in this world.  He gave some of that creative ability to His creation, as they not only reproduced and multiplied, but as they also learned about this world and came to a greater understanding of how God is at work here.  In fact, much of today's technology should be thankful for those Christians who studied this world and laid the foundation for modern day science and learning. 

God created us to learn and to grow and to be creative.  That would seem to suggest that God isn't necessarily opposed to technology.  When His people are able to connect with one another and provide resources that help and assist in the faith, that would seem to be something He would desire.  And yet, when technology starts to become the goal of life, or when it starts to take over responsibilities that we are supposed to have for ourselves, then it becomes a dangerous thing.

Overall, it seems that technology has both its good points and its warnings.  Technology is never to become the thing in which we put our faith.  That role belongs to God, and to God alone.  When technology assists people in knowing God, in growing in their faith, and in connecting with one another, then it seems to serve a purpose in line with what God would intend.  When it crosses the line and becomes something to control life, or when we start to put our faith in technology rather than in God, then it becomes a false god, and a danger to us.

I'm thankful for the contributions that Steve Jobs has made in our world.  He demonstrated the creativity that God seems to have put inside all of us.  While I do not know his particular faith life, I can say that there are many Christians throughout this world who are thankful for his contributions, and how they have helped people grow in their faith in God and Christ Jesus.