One thing that I have come to see as vitally important in all relationships is communication. Now, I realize that communication actually covers a great deal of territory. There is the communication of that which needs to be shared with others. There is the choice of the words that are used (and if you think this is an easy thing, think about how often we have different meanings for the same words before you assume its ease). Then there is also the manner in which the words are heard and received. Associated with that is the manner in which the words are delivered.
In other words, the task of communication is far from an easy task. Let's just take a simple expression from, say, a husband to a wife. He wants to say, "I love you," to his dear one. Three simple words, right? To fit the first thing I wrote in the above paragraph, he has something to communicate to his wife. But what is it that he wants to communicate? Is he communicating that he has some overwhelming emotional response to her that is best expressed as love? Or, to bring a biblical way of looking at love, did he just do some sacrificial action on her part, and wants her to know what he has done for her? It's hardly the emotional part of it, but it is still love. Or, does he say it to her as a reminder to himself that he loves this woman in his life, even though he may be upset at her at that particular moment?
Then, think about the choice of words here. Too often, we use the word love to express some deeply felt emotional response to another. While that is part of the meaning of the word, a deeper meaning is a willing, sacrificial spirit done for another, not only out of emotion, but out of commitment to the other. Giving up his twenty minutes of free time on Sunday afternoon to mow the lawn because she wants it done isn't likely to elicit a great emotional response of love, and yet, it truly is love, as he acts sacrificially on her behalf out of his commitment to her.
Then, there is the way we speak the words. Saying "I love you" through gritted teeth probably isn't going to bring gushy feelings to anyone. On the other hand, in a moment of breathless adoration of each other, those same three words may almost make it seem as though the heart of each is going to burst out of their chest into the other one. Same words, spoken in different ways, and ways that could be taken very differently.
Finally, there is how the words are heard. Let's say that the husband utters those words through gritted teeth as he heads upstairs to shower following the mowing of the yard. Rather than hearing an expression of sacrificial love, his wife may instead hear it as though he is trying to rack up some points that she has repay in the future. It may not come across as a statement of commitment, but rather, as a reminder that there will be a reckoning in the future. She may think that he is going to demand something from her in the future, and she'll be expected to do it because she loves him.
I do have a reason for blogging on this topic, and realize that I've already typed too many words for right now. So I'll keep going with this topic for a bit, until I finally get to what I really intend to say with it. But for now, think about the words you say, how you say them, and how they may be understood by others, and see if it doesn't make you think again about just how big this task of communication really is.
In other words, the task of communication is far from an easy task. Let's just take a simple expression from, say, a husband to a wife. He wants to say, "I love you," to his dear one. Three simple words, right? To fit the first thing I wrote in the above paragraph, he has something to communicate to his wife. But what is it that he wants to communicate? Is he communicating that he has some overwhelming emotional response to her that is best expressed as love? Or, to bring a biblical way of looking at love, did he just do some sacrificial action on her part, and wants her to know what he has done for her? It's hardly the emotional part of it, but it is still love. Or, does he say it to her as a reminder to himself that he loves this woman in his life, even though he may be upset at her at that particular moment?
Then, think about the choice of words here. Too often, we use the word love to express some deeply felt emotional response to another. While that is part of the meaning of the word, a deeper meaning is a willing, sacrificial spirit done for another, not only out of emotion, but out of commitment to the other. Giving up his twenty minutes of free time on Sunday afternoon to mow the lawn because she wants it done isn't likely to elicit a great emotional response of love, and yet, it truly is love, as he acts sacrificially on her behalf out of his commitment to her.
Then, there is the way we speak the words. Saying "I love you" through gritted teeth probably isn't going to bring gushy feelings to anyone. On the other hand, in a moment of breathless adoration of each other, those same three words may almost make it seem as though the heart of each is going to burst out of their chest into the other one. Same words, spoken in different ways, and ways that could be taken very differently.
Finally, there is how the words are heard. Let's say that the husband utters those words through gritted teeth as he heads upstairs to shower following the mowing of the yard. Rather than hearing an expression of sacrificial love, his wife may instead hear it as though he is trying to rack up some points that she has repay in the future. It may not come across as a statement of commitment, but rather, as a reminder that there will be a reckoning in the future. She may think that he is going to demand something from her in the future, and she'll be expected to do it because she loves him.
I do have a reason for blogging on this topic, and realize that I've already typed too many words for right now. So I'll keep going with this topic for a bit, until I finally get to what I really intend to say with it. But for now, think about the words you say, how you say them, and how they may be understood by others, and see if it doesn't make you think again about just how big this task of communication really is.
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