That's Not What I Wanted

After a few posts, it starts to get a bit depressing to realize just how much I am a slave to so many things in life, especially as I realize the hold they have on me, and that they tend not to be very God pleasing at all.  But, in a sense, I'm also a slave to my sense of holding to the course, so to finish the week out, here's another area of life where I find myself a slave.

I am a slave to getting what I want.  Now, that doesn't sound so bad on the surface.  In fact, that's an idea that is drilled into our heads from the time we are young.  "You can be whatever you want."  "If you want something, work hard and it can become yours."  And so the drive to get or to become whatever you want can become a very powerful motivating force in a person's life.  But is that necessarily a good thing?

When I got married, I faced quite a dilemma.  I had quite a few things that I had been doing in a particular way for a while, and now they had to change.  I had to take another person and their desires into account.  I couldn't always get what I wanted.  I would go to the movies whenever I wanted, to see whatever show captured my fancy.  When I got married, not only did I have to work with another person who didn't exactly share my same interests in movies, but also had a very different view of movie watching than I did!

I'm a slave to wanting to do things that I want to do.  The thing is, one of the correctives that God puts in place in our lives is that we live among other people.  We cannot simply go forth to get our way, especially as we live in relationship with others.  And that is actually a very good thing.  God teaches us that our lives are not our own, despite what our American upbringing may declare.  While God often grants us the freedom to choose things like career, occupation, and spouse, He doesn't leave us as slaves to our desires and whims.  We simply have to take others into account.

Yet, I find myself rebelling against that from time to time.  Sure, most of the time I see the value and wisdom of my wife and my daughter, and in what they call for from me.  But there are times where I just want to do what I want to do.  And when it doesn't happen, I realize my slavery to such things as I become surly.  I pout.  I try to find a way to do what I want, hoping that it won't interfer with what others want.  But at heart, I realize that I am a slave.  I want to do what I want to do.

Help! My Mouth Leaks

As I reflect on my life, there are a lot of things that I find myself enslaved to.  One of the more unfortunate ones is my desire to always be talking.  Prior to meeting my wife, I used to babble and chatter nonstop.  If someone said something, I usually thought I had to say something in response.  I can imagine that it got quite old for people to hear one person say something, then I respond, someone else say something, I respond, and so on.  A conversation in which one person speaks every other time tends to get quite dull after a bit.

The problem isn't so much the speaking, though.  The problem is the thought process that goes behind the speaking.  The truth is, I thought that what I had to say was more important than what others had to say.  So I would simply speak what came to mind because, to my way of thinking, I had something important to say, and they all needed to hear it.  It didn't matter if it was informed or not, I had to say it.  And still today, even after having this pointed out to me, and with many intentional efforts to be a better listener, I still find that I'm a slave to my desire to want to say something and think that it's the most important thing they need to hear.

I truly find it fascinating how often the Bible emphasizes that wisdom is found more in keeping your mouth shut than in speaking your mind.  The Proverbs are filled with this kind of wisdom.  And truthfully, it takes a great deal of self control to keep from flapping my lips all the time.  Even though I am engaged in an occupation and vocation in which speaking is a big part of the job, I still find that, when I say less, I usually end up saying more.

Think of it this way.  If you feel you have something to say on everything, what tends to happen is that other people start to tune you out.  On the other hand, when you don't speak all the time, often people will listen to what you say, especially if you prove to have something wise to contribute.  We've all known that person in life that, when he or she spoke, you knew true gold was coming out, and so you paid attention.  You've also known that person who opened their mouth so often that you started to dread when you saw their lips part.

I'm a slave to wanting to say something in response to everything someone else says.  Even though, outwardly, I may have tamed that instinct some, it still lives within me.  I'm a slave to the thought that my thoughts are worthy of having everyone hear them, invited or not.

When is Enough, Enough?

I had a brief moment of angst this morning.  I had gotten the call that one of God's dear children had been called to recieve her eternal life.  Since it was morning, I was in the process of my morning routine.  You know, shower, eat breakfast, get dressed, that sort of thing.  And I decided to put on a red button-up shirt, in my mind a symbol of Christ's blood shed for that dearly departed sister in Christ.  So I went to my closet with my dress shirts and started looking.  I saw a sort of burnt orange shirt, but it wasn't the one I was looking for.  I saw a couple of really dark shirts, but they weren't my red shirt.  I saw a lot of blue and pastel colored button up shirts, but I couldn't find the exact red shirt I was looking for.  That is, until I started looking in between shirts.  There it was, having been slightly pushed back by the weight of the other shirts pressing against it.

It struck me again right then, as it has so many times in recent years.  I have too many shirts.  That closet space that I was looking in was merely one part of one closet of mine.  Yes, I have many more shirts, and they all hang there the same way.  So many packed in that, when you put a bundle of shirts away, they push the ones back that hang right next to them.  I have too many shirts.

I am a slave to having stuff.  I have purchased practically every shirt that hangs in my closets, along with the countless Tshirts filling drawers, and so many other things crammed around my closets, under the beds, and in boxes.  I am a slave to having things.  And that's when the words of Jesus so clearly ring in my ears, when I am confronted by all my stuff.

"Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required."  "Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat' or 'what shall we wear'?"  And then, in an encounter with a young man versed in God's law, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treaure in heaven; and come, follow Me." 

I'm a slave to my stuff much more than I'm a slave to Jesus.  I like to have stuff.  I have stuff in places that hasn't been used in a year and a half.  At some point, I felt that I needed it.  But now, it sits unused.  And the troubling thing is, the value of that stuff would probably be enough to feed small villages in other parts of the world.  But my heritage is that of so many others in this nation.  I need stuff.  I want stuff.  And I even get stuff that I don't use.

When I think about how painful it would be if Jesus were to say the same thing to me that He said to that young man, it really does rip at me inside.  But that's so often how God confronts those things that enslave us.  He puts us in conflict with them, and exposes how we so often want more stuff rather than want God and His will.  Stuff in and of itself isn't bad.  It's our desire for that stuff that ultimately threatens to enslave us and draw us away from our Lord Jesus.

I hate that I am a slave to stuff.  I actually do look forward to the day when Jesus completely and finally frees me from that slavery, even if it means passing through the doorway of death, or welcoming Him back as He re-creates this world.  Until then, Lord Jesus, keep me uncomfortable in my slavery to my stuff.

I Am A Slave

Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin."  John 8:34

I am a slave.  There are many times in my life where I don't want to be a slave, and there are many times where I actually don't mind being a slave all that much. 

How am I a slave?  In the sense that Jesus spoke about in the verse I quoted above.  Whoever commits sin is a slave to sin.  I sin.  I am a slave.  And the reality that I live in shows that this is indeed a very complicated situation.

There are those things that I really fight and battle against.  I see the sin in my life, and I don't want it to be there anymore.  I struggle with it.  I ask others to help in the struggle.  I come before God, admitting that I'm a slave to these things, and praying for His forgiveness and His Spirit to work toward their conquest in my life.  I don't want to be a slave to these, and so I engage in a battle against them.

The problem is, there are also those things that I am a slave to, but they don't really bother me all that much.  I'm going to post about what some of these look like over the next few days, maybe not in particularly specific ways, but to show how invasive and pervasive some of this slavery really is.  I'll be looking at how I don't really mind being a slave to some of these things because being a slave is actually fairly comforting.  However, it becomes a whole lot less comfortable when I encounter what God says about them, and have to view them from the lens of my redemption and my faith.

But in many respects, this all starts as I realize the truth of what Jesus spoke so many centuries ago, but still applies to my life, and the lives of all people who ever live.  I am a slave.  I don't want to be one, but I am. 

Intentional Weaves

This week, I've been posting about weaving Gospel threads into your life.  It's basically saying that every encounter that you have with others is an opportunity to bring some element of your faith into the encounter, no matter how brief.

Today, I want to look a little bit at how you can begin to bring multiple threads into the same person's life.  Yes, it is great when we string that Gospel thread into someone's life, and we never get the chance to build on it.  That is when we see the truth that St. Paul writes about when he says that he planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.  There are so many times where we encounter a person once, and we either get to plant the seed or provide a little water to the seed that someone else has planted before.

But we also find ourselves going regularly to certain places in life.  In those places, we start to see familiar faces.  For example, my family regularly goes to a small grocery store near our house.  I've gotten to the point that I know pretty much every face in the place.  I think a few of them even remember us, especially our cute little girl. 

So just imagine how those Gospel threads can begin to be woven together in the lives of those that we regularly encounter.  While it's not always going to be possible to go to that same cashier, if you happen to notice that same person working, why not go get in their line, regardless of how long it may be?  And then, weave another Gospel thread into their life.  Who knows, after you have woven enough threads, you might start having the opportunity for something more to build there.  Or, you may even be planting and watering for another to harvest.  There's absolutely no problem with that.

I would imagine, right now, you can think of at least three or four places that you frequent where you recognize faces or people.  Why not start working to intentionally weave a few Gospel threads into a few of those lives?  As you water, God's Spirit will be working to prepare the field for the white harvest.

When Threads Unite

As we continue the topic of weaving Gospel threads into our lives, today I want to venture into those connections that you have with others on a regular basis.  But before I do that, it strikes me that I should probably explain a bit about what I mean when I say "weaving Gospel threads."

As you interact with people in your life, the language and vocabulary you use speaks greatly about you as a person.  Since many of you who read this are Christian, the language and vocabulary that you use in your interactions are means by which you can weave Gospel threads into the lives of others.  But what do I mean by this?  Do I mean that you should work Jesus into every conversation?  While that would be a commendable thing, let's look at something even more basic.

Every interaction you have with others is a chance to demonstrate your faith in God.  Some can be more overt than others.  Consider this: you go to pick up your morning coffee from the barista.  Why not weave a Gospel thread through something like the following.  "Thanks, this will help me enjoy the beautiful day God has given us."  You've woven a Gospel thread there.  Sure, it's not explicitly a Christian Gospel thread, but you've created a moment where your faith in God is present. 

Think of that as a single thread.  Now, you carry that thread with you throughout the day.  As you order your lunch, what about another thread to weave?  As you pick up your food, something simple like this could weave another thread.  "Thank God that He takes care of what I need every meal."  Another Gospel thread has been woven. 

As you weave these threads, one of the things that I believe will happen is that you will have regular encounters with some people.  So sure, that thread where you simply thanked God for a beautiful day doesn't seem like much all by itself.  But the next day, you're back at the same barista for your coffee.  How about another Gospel thread?  "The tastebuds God gave me sure love this cup of coffee.  Thanks for making it."  And then the next day, "I'm thankful to God that my morning includes getting coffee from you."  Thread upon thread upon thread.

What happens when enough threads unite?  You start to form something.  A few threads don't make a blanket, but as you start to weave enough threads together, you start to get something that has some substance.  And, as you can imagine, you can be pretty creative with these Gospel threads.  In fact, I encourage you to think of how many different ways you can weave those threads.  Make some more explicit than others.  Let some be fairly generic.  But start working at them, and then see if you don't start looking for opportunities to weave those threads into your daily life more and more frequently.

The Thread of Your Life

As you live among people, it is inevitable that you will acquire a certain legacy in the eyes of others.  This is especially true of those who see you often.  They will get to know you, and often, they will be able to see things that you may be blind to about yourself.  They will form certain thoughts and opinions about you, and who knows, some of them may even be ones that you would be okay with!

While this is certainly true for those you interact with regularly, that same legacy will often reveal itself even to those with whom you don't regularly interact.  For example, if you are someone that your close friends would call kind-hearted, it's likely that this same kind-heartedness will reveal itself as you interact with others.  On the other hand, if your close friends would call you prickly, it's also very likely that other people will observe that same prickly-ness in their interactions with you.

The legacy that you are leaving behind right now is a thread that you are weaving in your life.  So have you ever given thought to what you want that thread to look like?  In my experience with people, I've known relatively few who were intentionally planning the legacy that they wanted others to know them by.  Most often, it seems we are content to simply to let others think what they will without any particular leaning or guidance on our part.

As a Christian, we also have the opportunity to weave a thread of the Gospel into our lives as part of our legacy.  Every interaction that we have with others is an opportunity to weave the Gospel thread into our lives, as well as the lives of others.  And just like I've said above, in many ways, this thread cannot help but become evident as we live it out.  The approach you take toward appreciating the life God has given you can become a thread that you weave in all the interactions you have with others.

Right now, what does that Gospel thread look like in your life?  Are there ways that you would like to intentionally nurture it so that it becomes more evident?  If so, what ways do you want to take to do that?  And as you do that, give thanks to God that His Spirit is actively at work through the lives of His people as that Gospel thread gets woven.